Accountability; How Much is Just Right?

Today is the start of a new beginning for my twelve year old son, although he doesn't know it yet. He has a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder which significantly impairs his executive function abilities. Rusty fails to organize anything, basically.

When he comes home from school, he will be held accountable for organizing and cleaning his room. This has been tried numerous times before, with no sustainability. This time, we aim to keep it organized.

He will be told that he must clean and toss or else I shall do it for him. He will not be allowed to leave for the weekend on the Boy Scouts Expedition he has planned UNTIL his room is cleaned.

He will have to make his bed, beginning with the clean sheet and pillowcase which I placed lovingly on top of his mattress. He will then have to complete a myriad of chores, including washing the clothes he left on his floor. He will not do anything else except homework until he completes all his chores. Should he act out and fail to complete his chores, he will then lose television rights for two weeks.

Harsh? You bet. I have to be. He is mouthy, disrespectful, disobedient, and horrific to me on a daily basis. This is why he has a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

This will begin upon our return from our meeting with the LA County Mental Health provider. The county seems to think this child no longer requires Wrap-A-Round services, and I think otherwise.

I am on the verge of losing this child. He doesn't listen to me whatsoever, unless there is another adult present.

Why? Let's not go there just yet.

I have become educated in his disability; I returned to school, became a Special Educator (Resource Specialist), taught for years, quit due to the sheer amount of time it takes him to complete his homework, and have struggled with his behaviors continuously. I am now an Advocate and Educational Therapist who works diligently to ensure that children's rights under IDEA and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act get met in California schools.

My son has had many interventions to date: Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Behavioral Intervention, Educational Therapy (Bal-A-Vis-X, Interactive Metronome, PACE, Lindamood-Bell), Samonas Sound Therapy, Auditory Integration Training, etc. Currently, he has a one-to-one Paraprofessional shadow him at school and daily tutoring after school with a gifted high school student who is also a family friend. His tutor (otherwise known as Helper Number One) is a gifted clean-cut senior who is already pre-accepted into college one year early; in short, he is an excellent role model for my son.

The one area of failure, defined as an area in which he has made zero progress, is in organizing. My guy doesn't buy into the concept that everything has a place and we put everything away in its place.

Here's where the parental angst hits me. How much can I realistically expect? What system can I create for my son which he is capable of maintaining without my needing to cue him step by step?

Ay, there's the rub...

So, I have set up a very basic drawer system, labeled; one drawer for socks, one for underwear, etc. His closet had a system but it is not being maintained, so methinks it is time to invite back the fantastic neighbor (Helper Number Two) to help him get that set up. This gentleman is an adult who is severely learning disabled and was unable to complete high school. He is on SSI and lives with his sweetheart of a mother. My son looks up to him and he has the best video and computer games on our block! His mom has become my boys adopted Grandmother. This fantastic man has helped my son with his bedroom before and will be more than happy to do so again. I am very blessed to have his help. One visit per week for the next six months should just about do it.

Now you know the supports we have set up to function as our son's 'External Brain.' Beyond this help, prayers are always welcome.